Hunger-Induced Insomnia

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night dying for a snack? Please say it's not just me. Last night was one of those nights. I awoke at 3.00AM, in desperate need of something delicious, and without the ability to fall back asleep. Besides being hungry, I've been cursed with a horrible cold and every time I wake up to blow my nose, it seems I nearly scare Chris right out of the bed. Wanting him to have a good night's sleep, I headed downstairs to the couch and the trusty TV.

It seems that I've been out of college far too long to realize that there is absolutely nothing on TV at 3 in the morning. My choices were as follows: Bobby Flay talking about vegetarian BBQ on Food Network (barbecued tofu? no thank you!), ab infomercial on 49, ab infomercial on 50, ab infomercial on 67...you get the picture. I thought that I could at least count on E! for some horrendous reality show at any time of the night, but even they had succumbed to some Ron Popeil or Chuck Norris new-fangled-crap-that-you-must-own sales pitch. Here's an idea: try selling something which will most appeal to the viewing public at 3 in the morning - how about a cure for insomnia? Maybe it's just me, but trying to get me excited about a fancy new machine to give me a six pack in just 2 minutes a day is just not what I'm interested in at that hour. Try me again at 3 in the afternoon while I'm sitting on the couch eating a bowl of ice cream - then I'm sold!

Speaking of infomercials, I never thought they could be so interesting. I caught an episode of a new reality show called Pitchmen. It follows Billy Mays and Anthony Sullivan through their attempts at finding the best new infomercial product. It's actually quite a bit more intriguing than I imagined it could be. Besides, I'll take Billy Mays over the lame ShamWow guy any day. Especially when he looks like this:

Looking good Mr. ShamWow, looking real good.

I Heart Tom...Tom

I'm starting to think that the first day of Spring is truly Easter. The middle of March is still far too cold (or at least it was this year) to be considered anything but a mild winter month. And what's a better way to spend a beautiful Easter weekend than in a car?! Chris and I made the 10-hr roundtrip trek to Palmer, NE on Saturday morning while Lola enjoyed her weekend at daycare. She loves the daycare, and they love her so much that they even took some Easter pictures of our canine baby whenever they could catch her for a photo. And was I bit jealous that she was enjoying her exercise while I was stuck in a car? You betcha.


(She has recently become fond of sitting like an amputee. I can't imagine that she's comfortable, so maybe she's just trying to keep warm?)


So, after dropping off Lola, we hit the road around 8:30AM on Saturday morning and pumped ourselves up as much as we could for the five hour trip ahead of us. There were two things that helped pass the time: a change of scenery - we took the highways instead of interstate, and playing with our new toy- the TomTom. I don't know how we ever lived without one! It was a welcome change to not have to look down at a road map or Google printoff, especially given we were taking the road less traveled. TomTom's pleasant voice let us know in advance when we'd have to turn and even self-corrected the path when we took a wrong turn due to some construction. It left us all the time in the world to appreciate our new surroundings and make fun of the hicks in such small towns that some were even "unincorporated" instead of listing their impossibly small population (I'm guessing Ames, NE is pop. 12). We missed so many great photo ops, but I was able to get a picture of Clarks, NE - homeland of mom's family.


Looks positively delightful, no? :)

After arriving at my aunt and uncle's farm, we were welcomed by cookies and a sofa on which to nap. The rest of the weekend was spent playing an awesome new game (Wits and Wagers) and Chris learning how to be a country boy. My cousin Brad taught him how to drive the tractors, and although he couldn't figure out how to successfully work the CB radio, he still thought he was such a stud up on those big boys. So much so that he sang "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" and "Do You Think My Tractor's Sexy" for the rest of the weekend. However, the real kicker of the weekend was our little impromptu game of The Newlyweds Game. My aunt came up with some rather tough, and surprising questions. The husbands sat across from us wives and we tried to guess what the others answered. Most of the questions were light-hearted: Who fell in love with whom first?, What brand is your lawn-mower?, etc etc. And then it got interesting.....

"What is the most unique place you've had sex?"

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....uh.oh.

All of us youngsters were surrounded by our parents, and our parents by their parents. There's no way that any of this could go well. We were seated oldest to youngest, so my grandma began.

Grandma: "The trunk of a car"

The rest of us: "EWWWW! ...wait, inside the trunk, or on top? I mean...ewwwwwwwwww!!"

It was even better when the husbands guessed incorrectly because then you got two answers of naughty acts that you'd never want to hear come out of your aunts, uncles, or PARENTS mouths. I thought that I got by easy after hearing my parents' responses when my cousin and her new husband learned that the craziest place their parents "did the deed" was in my cousin's new house while they were moving them in!!

What a better way to celebrate the resurrection than to end the holiday talking about sex? Sorry about that, Jesus.

Yoga For The Unbalanced

My trainer on Wii Fit says my balance needs work. I disagreed, and I believe that’s part of the reason that I shoved the balance board under the couch never to be seen again. I’m fully aware that I look more like a 5-year-old ballerina than a limber yogi (that’s one who practices yoga, not the bear) when I’m attempting the Tree Pose. Here's me:

And yes, the ballet barre would certainly help, but I’m still not so sure I could rest my foot against my thigh instead of my ankle. What? You want me to raise my arms above my head as I’m attempting to balance on one foot? That’s not gonna happen.

I know what you’re thinking: why in the world would I begin yoga classes if I can’t even take the criticism from my Wii Fit trainer? I started prenatal yoga last night as an attempt to be more "in tune" with the baby, and what a better time to dare such an attempt than one when I’m supposed to lose balance throughout the nine months my stomach is expanding?! At only 17 weeks, one would probably just make the mistake of thinking I eat too much ice cream (which may be so), so I can hardly blame the balance issue on the babe. And here there are very very pregnant women showing me up! I always hear that you’re supposed to lose balance when you’re so far along, and yet they were doing a perfect tree pose, arms raised and all, and I could barely balance without my arms raised and my foot on my ankle rather than my thigh. Imagine the fun had by all in attendance (but me, of course) as they got to see my beautiful attempt at a tree pose. I’d like to think they were too focused on their pose and breathing technique that they didn’t notice, but a stomp to the ground each time my raised foot hit the floor to catch myself from falling surely would’ve awoken them from their deep meditation.

It’s a bit of a stretch for me to join a yoga class given I have a strong distaste for exercising unless it serves a purpose (i.e. sports). The last five minutes were spent doing the Matsya Kridasana relaxation pose (Matsya Kridasana translates to “flapping fish,” which may make it more enjoyable now that I found that out). Basically the time is just spent laying on your side, focusing on your breathing. However, instead of relaxing, I spent my time looking around the room, wondering if the pose would be finished after the song ended (sure enough, it didn’t).

Overall, the class was a great experience, even though I definitely need some work. Perhaps this will inspire me to become a yoga expert and gain muscle tone that even Madonna would envy.